I had a weird conversation with someone recently that didn’t sit right with me at the time, and the more I think about it the less comfortable with it I become. 

This person had looked at some pictures on my Instagram & said to me, “It must be nice to be able to sit around and create things all day.” And I responded, “Well, I don’t really sit around & create things, I just make them when I have the time.” And they said, “Well, just to be able to have that time & not have to work & to be able to have the money to do it must be nice.”

At first I felt a little bit like I needed to defend myself, but they didn’t want to hear that my job often requires 12-16hrs shifts in order to have that extra day off… that their “well, taking care of kids isn’t really hard, right?” comment cut at my heart, having just left a child in the OR who’d been lit on fire by an irresponsible adult… that I usually use my time off just to pay bills & clean my house, not do the fun stuff they think I do all the time. They just wanted to assume I have an easy life, because how else would I do these things? 

And so the conversation didn’t go much further after that because I didn’t really know what else to say & I didn’t want to get into an argument.

But it was reminiscent of a conversation I’d had a few years ago with different friend, who’d commented to me after I’d posted vacation pictures that, “It must be nice to travel so much…” and I’d jokingly said, “It is!”

Their response – which I won’t quote here but which made me realize they were NOT actually happy for me – made me stop & think, just like this did.

Why is it that when we see the product of someone’s hard work, we automatically assume it’s been easy? Like whatever it is they’ve done has come from a place of ease or from a place of plenty? And why do we begrudge them their joy, regardless?

I was told I was one of the lucky ones during this conversation, because I went to college. That because I was lucky enough to have an education, I can do these “things” which they perceived to be part of an easy life.

Yes, I went to college – but not in the easy way they assumed. It was a convoluted path, full of twists & turns, major changes & finally settling into what I wanted to study while married & pregnant with my first child. I paid for it myself, no one handed me my degree. No one bought me a car to get to class or paid off my bills, even when I was fumbling my way through classes just out of high school. I had loans, I worked multiple jobs. It was hard.

Yes, I have a house (another sticking point, for some reason) but again – no one handed it to me. I moved 9 times before settling down – twice before meeting my husband & 7 times since we got married & found our final spot. I lost a house we built & never even moved into because the post 9/11 economy killed jobs. I put my head down & worked nights for 20 years so my kids could have a mom who was home when they were & the extra income helped. What you see is the accumulation of 30 years of marriage, hard work & a lot of sweat & tears. I don’t have a housekeeper or a gardener, I have dust bunnies & a sore back. None of this has been easy.

And the travel comment. Why is this always such a thing?!?

I travel because I’d rather see the world & make memories than have a house or closet full of the latest trends. (And not that that’s a bad thing, it isn’t in the least, sometimes I’m envious of what I see elsewhere. I just have to remember it isn’t part of what truly matters to me or what I value & then I relax. 😉) Yes, my house is full & I’m glad y’all are comfortable here, but my furniture is from FB Marketplace & my decor is that trend they called Shabby Chic. My mother even got in on it & asked, more than once, when she was going to be able to travel like we did. I said, “Mom, look around – you’re an Ethan Allen/Chanel kinda gal – I’m not.” Even she didn’t get it.

So.

When will we stop assuming that just because someone does things we don’t (or maybe can’t at the moment) that it is because their life has been easy? That they haven’t worked & cried & failed & gotten back up to get it done?

Yes, of course, there are those out there lucky enough to be getting things handed to them on a silver platter. But if they’re TRULY lucky, they realize just how blessed they really are.

But most of us are just working our asses off behind the scenes of the pretty pictures we post & we’re not looking for accolades – we’re just sharing our joy. We aren’t looking for a pat on the back – or a shot in the foot.

So, if you’re looking at someone’s life through their pictures & you feel a pang – dig a little deeper. There’s usually more substance there than meets the eye.